The Daily 750

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Warren Tare: Man With A Thousand Faces

Thursday, October 13, 2005

[note: Warren Tare's name is pronounced the way Bush pronounces "war on terror."]

Notice in the job site
Warren Tare: Man With a Thousand Faces
Immediate availability
Will relocate worldwide
International and local projects
Fluent in all languages
Salary negotiable (pro-bono accepted)

Yesterday I rambled on about roses not always smelling so sweet and how a name is not just a name. The roses – the gardening – made me think of Warren Tare. I’d put Warren Tare in the rampant weed category. With a bit of tough, consistent work you can get rid of him for a while, but he’ll continue to pop up in unexpected places.

This morning I googled Warren’s name and was shocked, frankly, to find a current “Job Wanted” posting. Warren Tare has a strong and continuing relationship with the Bush administration, along with consultancies in several other countries and cities. His most recent work was highly profiled in New York City, where he spent several days advising Mayor Bloomberg, the NYPD and the New York Transit Department on issues regarding subway travel and personal belongings.

Warren Tare is a frequent visitor to the Upper Left Edge, as an advisor to the committees who are opposed to the siting of a liquefied natural gas facility along the Lower Columbia River. In fact, Warren Tare gets the bulk of the credit for illuminating the dangers an LNG facility presents to a community, particular in terms of the damage and deaths acts of sabotage might cause. This is an excellent example of Warren’s ability to work both sides of an issue. I’ve heard Warren Tare dismissed with great disgust as something of a flim-flam artist by many of the same people who have now hired him for their cause, but on this issue they have given him great credence.

I’m of two minds about Warren Tare myself. There’s no denying that he possesses a number of excellent and necessary talents. Think of his early work in Afghanistan, for example. He has simply gone too far. He’s everywhere. I except him to show up here at the house this weekend, just as my husband is getting dressed to clean out the basement. Doorbell will ring, I’ll hear footsteps and some low talk in the foyer, and the next thing I’ll hear is, “Honey, gotta put the basement off. Warren Tare’s here.”

And when he’s not just showing up, people are calling on Warren Tare for absolutely everything. He’s the palliative singing of kumbaya and the new Hitler all in one. Got a problem you can’t handle in, say, Louisiana? Call on Warren Tare. Think your boss is an idiot? Focuses on his best friend Warren Tare’s excesses and others might too.

I weary of the simplistic invocation of Warren Tare’s name and I think his work here is little more than a diversion. It certainly seems highly unlikely that the Upper Left Edge is ever going to be high on his list of priorities. Still, people get all excited about preparing for Warren Tare’s next visit and don’t pay enough attention to everyday challenges.

I guess we’re no more going to be rid of Warren Tare than we are of Donald Trump. Just be on the lookout in your own neighborhood. Once he gets in, he's hard to control.