The Daily 750

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Monday, November 14, 2005

They've already converted us. The very fact that we now use the phrase "intelligent design" when we mean "creationism" was half the battle.

Renee Mitchell: Don't watch Next on MTV.Renee's the newest Metro columnist for the Oregonian and in today's paper she's seduced, sensualized and, mostly, shocked by liquor ads that are -- yep, seductive, sensual and (I guess, if you just woke up from 1976) shocking. She notes Bacardi and Chivas but not the latest one by one of the creamy liqueurs. The setting: a party, with actual adults -- maybe so old as in their 30s. Man pours the velvety cream over ice cubes in his glass. There's one drop left in the brown bottle. He looks quizzically down at the woman languishing on the couch below the bar. She nods agreement. He aims the bottle. She tilts back her head, opens her mouth, awaits the cream. The drop is on its way. Another man sits on arm of couch and catches the drop in his own glass. Laughs all around. Whew. It almost came.

But that's just a hint of what or who's to come. Has anybody else see MTV's Next? One person, girl or boy, sits in a limo that's followed by a bus with five members of whatever sex the person in the limo likes to date. Short and not-so-sweet process of elimination follows. Not sure about the ages; one girl said she was 19. MTV's casting call for a show about brothers who think their sisters are "hot" and want to find dates for them says that the girls should "appear to be between the ages of 18 and 24."

One batch of bus girls introduced themselves like this:

Girl #1: "He's gonna pick me 'cause I'm boo-tee-li-cious." And then she rubbed her poked-out thonged cheek bottom and ran a finger down the inside of the string. And then she said, "But mostly because I really like to suck cock."

Girl #2: Don't know. Girl #1 made me blind and deaf.

Girl #3: Still deaf. Saw extremely large breasts and lips sucking a finger.

Girl #4: "Because I know just how to kiss his, um, head."

Girl #5: "I grew up on Tootsie Pops, baby."

I am now officially too much of an old codger to watch MTV.